5 Tips on How to Get your Child to do Chores
You ask your child to do a simple task and they respond “In a minute.” You check on them shortly after and there they are sitting on the couch watching television. You can’t help but yell at them. Why don’t they just do what they are asked to do? I mean it would take them 5 -10 minutes and then they can go back to watching television. You’ve tried punishing them, taking away television time, video games, etc. and nothing works. They don’t seem to care.
Below are 5 tips on how to get your child to do chores.
1. Ensure Chores are Realistic
It is important to ensure that the chores you expect your child to complete are realistic based on their age. Children have different capabilities and assigned chores should be appropriate.
These are examples of appropriate chores for children based on their age:
Ages 4-5: setting up/cleaning up the table, putting clothes in the laundry basket, feeding the pet, etc.
Ages 6-7: making their bed, folding clothes, emptying out the dishwasher, emptying out trash cans, putting away groceries, etc.
Ages 8-10: preparing simple meals (sandwiches, cereal, etc.), cleaning their bedroom, washing dishes, sweeping the floor, walking pets, etc.
2. Provide Clear Instructions
Provide your child with clear instructions on what you expect them to do. Break down the chore into small steps and provide exact directions. For example, instead of telling your child to clean their bedroom, tell them to put their toys in their designated location, pick up their dirty clothes from the floor and put them in the hamper, put their shoes in the closet, etc. It could be helpful to provide your child with a checklist of the exact tasks they are expected to complete. For younger children, use a picture to represent each chore instead of writing the chore out.
3. Model
Model how to complete each step of the chore. We often yell at our children thinking that they are “just being lazy” and didn’t clean right on purpose so that they can go back to playing, but often times, children do not know what is expected of them. Show your child step by step how they are to complete the assigned chore in order to ensure that it is done to your liking. Acknowledge that their work will not be 100% perfect and that’s okay because they are just a kid.
4. Praise and Encourage
As adults we like for our employer to recognize our work and efforts. We like to be shown appreciation for all of our hard work we do on a daily basis. When our boss does not acknowledge our work, we are more likely to not put as much effort in. The same goes for children. Praise them frequently for their efforts as kids also need to feel appreciated. The more your praise them the more likely they are to feeling motivated and more willing to do their chores and work harder. An example of how to praise your child is: “I really like how you set the table. You set it up very nicely. You are such a great help to me. Thank you.”
5. Establish a Rewards/Points System
A rewards system is effective with children of all ages and a great motivator for children to complete their chores. You may choose to reward your child with money or in other ways. Rewarding monetarily is more ideal for children that are a bit older as it teaches them the value of money and money management skills. For younger children, you may instead choose to reward them by allowing them to play their video game for 15 minutes longer, staying up an extra 15 minutes, picking a special dessert, etc. Involve your child in the processes of establishing rewards and make sure that you are both in agreement. It may be helpful to create a points system in which each chore is worth a certain amount of points and your child can earn a specific reward once they have the required amount of points to “cash it out.”
Janine Kelly, MSW, LCSW, RPT, CATP, ADHD-CCSP, CCATP-CA is a Registered Play Therapist, Certified EMDR Therapist, and Perinatal Mental Health Therapist in Middlesex, NJ. Janine specializes in childhood anxiety, childhood OCD, childhood trauma, and supporting children who experience neurodivergence such as ADHD and Autism. She also specializes in pregnancy and postpartum mood disorders such as anxiety, panic disorder, OCD, depression, and Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
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